Who makes you and how
As friends turn to wish me on my Birthday and I reciprocate your wishes, I want to remember who I am and who made me. Several people contribute to making you -as a person and professional. This Birthday, I wanted to express my deep gratitude to one soul who made one of the deepest impressions on me — from my childhood and continues.
It is my Brother in Law, Ramamurthy. To many, he is this pleasant, unassuming and always smiling person. To me, he is a friend, mentor and father — who I fondly call Bru (after the coffee brand which perks you up). He came into our lives as husband to my first sister Rohini. He was the only one in my family at that time who did not judge me as an undiagnosed dyslectic and who had anger issues. He helped me in a thousand gentle ways — playing with me badminton, long cycle rides, midnight chats; always non-judgemental, encouraging — to study, to excel, help others without expectations.
Have seen him help relatives, friends and even strangers with unrequited compassion. I used to follow him around like a puppy; more so because he was the only one who understood and gave unconditional love. Once on our bicycle, we saw a man lose control of his bicycle and hit a policeman by mistake and fall down. The Policeman, instead of helping him, kicked him angrily. Ramamurthy got down, helped him get medical help, and almost nursed him back. He had multiple fractures, including his hip. He recovered and remained a friend to Ramamurthy; who wouldn’t be.
His eyes always spoke love and affection, even when he was upset or angry. Today when I learn about Non-violent communication, I realised how much of that he practised and taught, only some I could imbibe. The many sibling wars in our family between my two sisters and me — he would never take sides, calmly ration out arguments, help everyone see the larger picture. It was almost like a full-time counsellor for our maladjusted teens.
I had an embarrassing childhood in many ways, a bedwetting problem I struggled with for many years. Imagine waking up in the morning in your own pool of urine. I used to rush to the bathroom, change, clean up and get ready as if nothing happened. This is in a crowded household in which five kids were growing up (my siblings and cousins). No privacy, sleeping on the floor right next to each other. Ramamurthy used to many times quietly clean the beddings even wash my clothes dry and not mention it to anyone.
He used to work in Railways, in a fairly humble job, although he was super qualified. He was posted to a remote station and he had to travel from my hometown every day for a few hours. I used to go to the railway station to pick him up — on my bicycle. Every salary day of his, he would buy me Doodh Peda (milk sweet). I used to relish it sometimes for hours or even days. Yikes yes, loved the sugar. But I think it was some simple high I always will remember.
Bru, you made me who I am. There are so many values you instilled in me; some I practice, some I still struggle with. I will always be inspired by you and hope to give as much as you gave to everyone around me — with no expectations.